In every uncertain moment, every explanation that sounds empty even to me, there’s a gentle voice, knocking on my ear, asking, ‘But will you ever find someone who is perfect in every single way? When you fix some things, you lose others.’ Over and over. Right or wrong? Right or wrong?
I am not very good.
I am a wasteland of empty words, earnest hope with too much experience to ever expect anything.
I strive aimlessly, unclear and lacking vision or drive.
I pray, but never love my neighbor. I sin, but never truly seek forgiveness.
I am not very good.
I’ve been writing in my head again.
Something something, the whole city awash in the smell of gardenias.
It’s all cheesy and doesn’t lead anywhere.
I recently read some words by one of J.’s friends. Poetry twining into prose trailing into a story that makes my heart (and my uterus) ache. Good feelings from beautiful words. Honestly.
Once in awhile, I kick around the idea of trying to write a book. Not a novel, but maybe a collection of short stories, or something closer to snapshots of writing.
I think it would be based too closely in reality (or, rather, not loosely enough in fiction) for me to pass off. And I don’t know that my writing, which is usually short and direct and carries little to no plot, would translate well to that sort of thing.
But, sometimes I think about it.
I loooooove her hair! I wonder if I could pull that off. Something in me says no….Stale conversation deserves but a bread knife (by Ashleigh F.)
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist Saying (via babyheroin)
(Source: thelenaubr, via cchugg)
Today J told me that if I could channel the stubbornness/bull-headedness/strength that oozes out of my pores when it comes to being hard on myself, and instead apply it to everything else in my life, I’d be absolutely unstoppable.
(Source: nickmiller)
"I need to lie back to front with someone who adores me."
Jenny Holzer (via kateoplis)
