Lexical gap

Stresses

Haven’t wrapped any Christmas gifts

Threw two weeks’ worth of clothes haphazardly in a suitcase for a four-day trip — with no idea if any of it matches

House-sitting for the next four days (and we all know I get terribly homesick)

Cat-sitting for the next four days (and we all know I’m terrified of cats)

Tried to spend time with my family only to be made fun of by them for such an outlandish idea — accordingly, I’ll spend Christmas Eve with the boy and Christmas day with his family

Working all day tomorrow (today) in holiday retail hell

Staring down another three months (THREE MONTHS) of trying to take girls seriously who wear leggings as pants

Grocery shopping at some point tomorrow

Baking and treat-making with bestie and the boy tomorrow night

Working a baby shift Christmas Eve

—-

There are some good things in here — like hanging with m and j, a place to have some space from my parents this week after hurtful words tonight, a shorter shift Christmas Eve and spending time with j’s family this weekend.

But overall, I’m stressed. I’m sad and exhausted and so, so frustrated with my family. I wonder who I could’ve been if I’d grown up with parents who showed the slightest interest or involvement in my life. Maybe I’d believe in myself a little better. Maybe I’d have done more by now. I want to be normal. I want them to be normal. I want to feel the safety and love of a family that is…well, a family.

:-/