Because I’m tired of answering this individually to every single person I know*

No, I am not staying in California. I’ll be home in two weeks and back at my retail job. My team does not have any open positions, and even if they did, I have been told, very directly, that I do not have enough experience to join this team permanently.

This program is not designed to be a three-month job audition. It is meant to give corporate insight into the stores, and retail employees a greater understanding of the way the company functions. It can, and has, led to jobs, but those are the exception, not the expectation. I am frustrated that everyone has been asking about this since before I left Kansas City. It set the stage early on for me to feel like a failure if I didn’t walk away with a permanent job offer, despite that never having been the intention of this short-term position. Even my managers have asked questions about my return in a way that made me feel like I did something wrong by not getting a permanent offer. That’s not okay.

This program walks an awkward line between internship, contractor, and salaried position. Yes, I did the same work as a permanent person on this team. So no, it wasn’t exactly an internship. But I had a set return date—plane ticket bought for me before I ever left the Midwest—from the beginning. And I knew that. Everyone knew that. I was never supposed to get comfortable here.

And the constant sunshine in Silicon Valley bothers me, anyway. I miss thunderstorms.

*Mostly because every time I have to think about it, I am reminded that I am failing at being an adult and having a career and then I dissolve into tears again. And then I cry myself into a migraine. You don’t want to deal with that.

  1. chrisknitter said: I didn’t “make it” in Hollywood, even though I moved there, graduated film school, and worked professionally in the film industry for years. I did exactly what i wanted. Because I missed my family and absolutely hated Los Angeles, I moved home. Fail?
  2. cdean posted this